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My doctor told me "At your age your ear lobes have gotten longer due to the pull of gravity” Apparently, gravity is selective.

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FLASH! Cubs fall twelve and a half back; Emotionally eliminated from post-season play.

I went to Catholic school
The School Sisters of Notre Dame were tough
One time I was suspended
It was by my ankles from the roof
 

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Saw a kid had staples in his ear paperclips in his eyebrow & a thumb tack in his tongue
He looks like he got his ass kicked by a secretary

Dad never taught me the "birds and the bees"
He went right to "hookers and hummers
What’s a hummer, Dad?
Son, a good one’s 50 bucks

Carrying Assault Rifles is a good idea because people are good shots
Nobody could hit that many innocent bystanders without aiming

In the Big and Tall men’s store I saw a pair of pants size 60-28
If you’re 60-28 it means when you’re lying down you’re taller than when you’re standing up

Big&Tall Men's store has pants size 60-28
If you're 60-28 it means when you’re lying down
You're taller than when you’re standing up

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