LARS & SVEN
Blake--
I ran out of minutes during today's phone call. So sue me.
Cubs have the worst record in the majors. Theo Epstein is a genius. Why can't the Cubs just win a World Series and let everyone get on with their lives?
--Randy
Klaus:
I sent you this message on 1 April 2014:
FLASH!Cubs Lose Opener; Metaphysically eliminated from post-season play.
Today I have an update:
FLASH! Cubs fall twelve and a half; Emotionally eliminated from post-season play.
I've known you for forty four years, Clutch, since 1970, the same year in which the Cubs hadn't won a world series in only sixty two years. That joke of April 1 has become funny and prophetic.
The curse of the goat is real. Cubs will never win again if they don't raze Wrigley.
Here's here's my new motto for the Windy City:.
Chicago! The City of Broad Shoulders and of Five Million Fuck-Heads!"
-Bottom Gun
John Riha is Sven, or Lars
Craig Hawksley is Lars, or Sven.
Al,
I've added stuff to my website including the beginning of Lars & Sven. Check it out. Give me some tips on layout, background color, anything. Pick where you want your bio to go.
http://craighawksley.wix.com/comedywritingthehawk
I know you're busier than a hoosier trying to get unemployment, but check out the site.
--Sacajahoonie
Pliny (the Younger)--
Heading off for fly fishing lesson -- seriously. I might not be able to jam two-handed any more, but I can put a Royal Coachman on a dime. Check it out a little later on.
Pliny (the Elder)
Django:
I don't think you're a candy-ass for taking fly-fishing lessons. Or for taking all those pictures of trees. No.
I can't throw anymore. My throwing arm was my number one tool in my playing days; catcher, centerfielder. No shit I had a cannon. Today I was walking in the park and a kid fouled one back over the screen. I jogged across the street to get it. A real baseball. I threw it back to them as hard as I could but right into the backstop ten feet in front of me. Second throw fell way short.
What I can do is give coach my all. Stick me in the middle on Duncan. I'll make his life miserable for two minutes and then I'll foul out. That's taking one for the team. That's doing it for the people.
Everytime.
--Krupa
LARS & SVEN are Craig Hawksley and John Riha. They met at University of Missouri Columbia in 1970. I'll have John clarify this, but here's how I recall the coining of the names: A man named Lars, from Sweden or Switzerland or some Nordic country was visiting Mizzou. He talked about his skill as a mountain climber and his many conquests. But, when he climbed out on the roof of a house to do repairs, he panicked and kept saying, "Oh, no, I'm going to fall, I'm going to fall...!" in a Swedish accent, by golly. I laughed my ass off at the story and John and I would sometimes speak wit dat dutch accent, yah suure... and we started referring to each other as Lars & Sven. It didn't matter who was who. We aren't Lars or Sven. We're are LARS & SVEN.
John now lives in Ashland, Oregon, and Craig lives in St. Louis, MO. They've been corresponding for years, first through letters, and now via email. The exchanges are funny, whimsical, obtuse, self-referencing, weird and funny. I know I already said funny, but that's what they are. They don't have any pattern, and they don't have any purpose except to entertain ourselves. And now, you too, if you take the time to read them.